It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
tell me about the fingering
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
