can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
