you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
