The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize