I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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