the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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