i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I wish i was in the wii world.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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