i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to