so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
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Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
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Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I have fence marks all over my body