Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing