maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable