My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole