I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
