You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
3pm strippers are depressing
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
