Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
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Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
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Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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