I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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