just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
