halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Randomize
