if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
