I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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