Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
