she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
