ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
