i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
