You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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