u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
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Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
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So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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