I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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