He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
