Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
