I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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