Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
