try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I know her cup size but not her name....
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