He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
