I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
