I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
