gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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