Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
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I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
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I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.