I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship