ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
