i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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