I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
