TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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