I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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