Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
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There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
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I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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