We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
My ass is underappreciated
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
