I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize