Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I want a musical about memes.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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