I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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