My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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