just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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