Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
You're a waste of cheezeits
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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