Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
