: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
