the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
