So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize