just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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