He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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