Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
