I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
