Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
