Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
