i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
