He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
