its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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