Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
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