don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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